


all we have to lay on the line

by tigriswolf



Series: meme fics [28]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, Canon-Typical Violence, Codependency, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, M/M, Mild Language, Mind Control Aftermath & Recovery, Non-Chronological, Not Avengers: Age of Ultron (Movie) Compliant, Protective Steve Rogers, Reminiscing, Suicidal Thoughts, just a bit dark really, justice and vengeance are not the same thing, roaring rampage of revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-21
Updated: 2014-07-12
Packaged: 2018-02-05 13:33:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1820215
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tigriswolf/pseuds/tigriswolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is a difference between justice and vengeance, and Steve’s not digging any graves.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title: all we have to lay on the line  
> Disclaimer: not my characters; title from Adrienne Rich  
> Warnings: suicidal ideation; mentions of death/violence/torture/brainwashing; codependence; grief  
> Pairings: Steve/Bucky  
> Rating: PG13  
> Wordcount: 2440  
> Point of view: third  
> Prompt: _During Steve's search for the Winter Soldier, everyone is constantly cautioning him not to get his hopes up, to remember that he's not really Bucky, that he's an assassin, that he's the enemy (never mind the 70 years of torture and brainwashing, not like that had anything to do with it, not like he should be considered Hydra's oldest and longest lasting victim or anything)._
> 
>  
> 
> _I just need someone, maybe one of the remaining SHIELD agents, maybe the new director, Phil or someone else, maybe Tony or Natasha or Clint or Sam, someone to say to Steve, "We need you to be aware that, if it comes to a point where a choice has to be made, we have to be prepared to do what's necessary."_
> 
>  
> 
> _And I need Steve to look them in the eye and say, "If it comes to the point where that choice needs to be made, you should be aware that I'm prepared to stop you."_

They forget, sometimes, just how good his hearing is. He can’t always hear Natasha’s side of the conversation, but he hears Sam, more than once, and he knows they’re discussing containment procedures, de-programming options, and – if it comes down to it – elimination protocols. 

He knows that Sam wants to help him save Bucky, but he also knows that Sam is prepared for the hard choice, the choice that Steve will never make.  
.

There are two people left alive who knew Bucky Barnes, and only one of them remembers. His sisters all had full lives; Olivia, the youngest, died about six months before Steve thawed. Becca and Livy both had kids, though Julia didn’t, and their kids had kids, and Steve thought, sometimes, about tracking them all down. But he hadn’t had the courage, and then there were aliens, and then there were missions for SHIELD, and then – 

And then he fought the Winter Soldier. He fought the Winter Soldier and found out that Hydra didn’t die with Schmidt, and _Bucky was alive_.

Bucky was alive. Is alive. 

Even when he had nothing, he had Bucky. Throughout his mother’s illness, throughout his own never-ending illnesses, while hunting Hydra through occupied Europe, putting a plane in the ice… he thought he would die and he was happy because it meant he could catch up to Bucky and whatever trouble they’d find in Heaven, together again. But there was no Heaven.

He thought he’d die and he was fine with it because Bucky already had. 

But Bucky wasn’t dead. And Steve woke up on a river bank feeling physically the worst he had since the serum, and he knew that Bucky had saved his life again. 

.

Sam doesn’t want to hurt Bucky; Steve knows that. Natasha doesn’t want to, either, but she will. And while Fury thinks Bucky will be a useful asset, he’ll also put him down if ‘rehabilitating’ him will take too much time and too many of their current too-few resources. 

Natasha’s trying to track down Barton, and Fury’s giving Hydra hell, and Coulson’s busy rebuilding SHIELD with the few agents they know for sure are trustworthy (Steve doesn’t have the time or energy devoted to wondering if he ever actually died at all), and Stark’s helping with the DC clean-up and analyzing all the leaked data, and Thor and Dr. Banner are god-knows-where – and Steve is trying to find Bucky before Hydra does, and even before the new sanitized version of SHIELD does. 

He’d stayed at SHIELD for Peggy. For the memory of his team, all long dead. To give him something useful to do in the world. Maybe even to help repay the debt he owed for SHIELD finding and thawing him, for helping him readjust. 

(He sometimes wished they’d left him there, in the ice. Let him sleep. But now…) 

There is no reason to stay with whatever SHIELD will become. SHIELD was sheltering Hydra, and Hydra had Bucky, and there are many _many_ things he can forgive (though he will never _ever_ forget), but hurting Bucky… he once swore that he wasn’t stopping until all of Hydra was dead or captured. But this time… 

There’s nowhere to put any prisoners that he trusts. And very few people will be high enough in the organization to have the intel he needs to help Bucky. And they’re _Hydra_. 

There is no capturing, this time. 

.

His first memory is his mother singing. His father was already gone, but his bedtime stories were of the bravery of a man he never knew. He’d been a child when he met James Buchanan Barnes, and he barely remembers what life he had before that bright afternoon. 

Bucky was so bright. Blinding, sometimes. Steve still doesn’t know why Bucky stuck around when they were boys, but he protected Steve and joked with him, made up adventures, helped him save for various art supplies, was respectful to Ma. Bucky’s parents liked Steve, and Ma liked Bucky, and Bucky was _everything_. 

They grew up poor, the pair of them, and it was hard. Damned hard. Steve has no idea how he managed to grow up at all, he was so sick, sometimes. 

But Bucky and Ma were there, until Ma wasn’t, and then Bucky’s father died on the job, and he began splitting whatever wages he managed between his tiny apartment with Steve and his mother, because Becca, Julia, and Livy were still just kids. 

Bucky was always there, with a joke and a laugh, with money when Steve thought it was all gone, with a pretty dame and her friend for Steve. 

And then there was a war. 

.

Sam talks with Steve about the Bucky he remembers. He cautions that the Bucky he knew might be gone for good. What’s left of him might not be savable. For his own good, and the world’s, he might have to be stopped, by whatever means necessary. 

It hurts Sam to say it, Steve can tell. But Sam’s a good man at heart. Erskine might have chosen him, had he been there, 70 years ago. Sam’s a good man and he’ll put the welfare of others above himself. He was a para-rescue in a warzone, flying on his own wings, and he’s helping veterans come to terms what what’s left when they’re out of the war. 

Steve will never be out of the war. As long as Bucky is in danger, he will walk alone into enemy territory and tear their strongholds down with his own hands. 

It doesn’t matter, he realizes, listening to Sam take Fury’s orders and rephrase them into kinder words, who the enemy becomes. 

“I understand, Sam,” he finally says, but his response hasn’t changed. “I don’t think I can.” 

He knows he won’t. 

.

Natasha called him a ghost. Steve has no idea how long it took Hydra to make him that way, but he’s repaying the debt with blood and fire, and he isn’t merciful. Sam talks with him about that, too, cautioning him that it’s a slippery slope, letting justice become vengeance. 

Steve doesn’t ask what Sam would do, if it were Riley. He knows the answer because Sam is right there with him. 

.

He hasn’t laid eyes on Bucky since the hellicarrier, but he’s seen signs of Bucky’s handiwork everywhere. Any base he hasn’t hit, Bucky has, and Hydra’s running scared from the first supersoldier straight into the arms of the weapon they created and lost. He can’t take any pleasure in the thought, though. 

Zola had done something to Bucky before Steve ever got there to rescue him, and whatever it was, it let Bucky survive falling. And it’s Steve’s fault he fell. He wasn’t strong enough, wasn’t fast enough, and Bucky fell. 

There is a difference between justice and vengeance, and Steve’s not digging any graves. He’s a soldier, this is war, and he’s leaving scorched earth behind him. 

(He slept for 70 years while Bucky suffered, and he has no idea if Bucky even knows that’s what it was. They’re goddamned _lucky_ that it’s only scorched earth he’s dealing.)

.

Steve started fights and Bucky finished them. That’s the way it was for a quarter of a century. That’s the way it was for most of Steve’s life. He tried to do the right thing, no matter who got in his way. And Bucky, smiling with a dangerous glint in his eye, followed. 

That’s the way it’s always been. 

.

Steve, at heart, is very selfish. He knows that. Stopping Project Insight was his last selfless act. He spent his whole life fighting to prove he was capable, prove he could handle things, and then he spent a little over a year making himself the greatest threat to Hydra and Schmidt’s madness. 

Schmidt’s gone, but Hydra’s still around. For all the bases he and Bucky take out – 

He’s not dismantling Hydra because it’s the right thing to do, not this time. This time, it’s the most personal fight he’s ever fought, and he’s not putting the world ahead of Bucky, not again.

Let the world save itself next time. 

.

He and Sam talk about Dum Dum and Jim, about Monty and Gabe, about Dernier’s penchant for explosions. They talk about Peggy and Howard, about Colonel Phillips, about the girls from the USO tour. They talk about Erskine and how much his faith meant to Steve at a time when he really could have lost himself. They talk about Ma’s hands and Bucky’s folks, about Becca’s laugh and Julia’s sass and Livy’s smarts. 

And they talk about Bucky, of course. They talk about the day Bucky stepped in to end a fight that Steve doesn’t even remember the cause of, and the way Bucky just dragged Steve and Ma into his family. They talk about Bucky teaching Steve to throw a punch, to dodge, and helped him get back up a hundred thousand times before anyone outside of either of their families ever noticed he could be somebody. 

They talk about that last night in New York, and the reunion behind enemy lines, about Bucky having the chance to save himself and refusing to. 

And Sam says, more than once, “I know you love him, but that man might be gone. Are you prepared for that?” 

And Steve says, “I know that.” He does _know_ that. But it doesn’t fucking matter. 

Bucky Barnes might be gone, but what’s left of him dragged Steve out of the river, and even before that, _Bucky was a sniper_. So is the Winter Soldier. 

Steve never asks anybody else if they noticed that the Winter Soldier had can’t-miss shots at him and never shot him in the head.

.

Fury calls them in for a war council and they all come: Natasha, Barton, Coulson, Stark, Hill, Banner, and even Thor, both grimmer and lighter than the last time Steve saw him. Sam sits beside Steve and they all listen as Fury sets out the details. 

Three hours of intel and arguing boils down to this: they have one chance at ‘rehabilitating’ Bucky. One chance. And if it fails, then, well, they have elimination protocols for that. While Sam and Steve chased ghosts and burned bases, Fury dug up all the dirt he could on Project Rebirth’s evil little brother, Project Winter Soldier. He won’t try to recreate it, but it’s showed just how dangerous Barnes really is, he tells them. 

And then, “I _am_ sorry, Cap,” Fury says as Banner controls his breathing, as Sam and Stark both look away, as Coulson and Hill maintain emotionless expressions, as Barton looks at his hands and Natasha stills, as Thor frowns. “But if it comes down to it…” He spreads his hands like he’s helpless. 

The Winter Soldier very nearly killed him and Steve understands that. He just doesn’t give a shit. 

“If it comes down to it,” he says quietly, eyes going from Fury to the rest of them, “then you should know where I’ll be standing.” He rises to his feet and grabs his shield. 

“Steve!” Sam says at the same time Fury barks out, “Captain!” 

He stops in the doorway and looks back. “Thank you for all your help, Director,” he says. “But I don’t trust you anywhere near Bucky, and I’m not letting you get close.” He pauses and then nods firmly. “Sam, thank you so much, but I need to do this on my own.” He gives them his USO smile and gently closes the door behind him. 

.

Hydra’s running scared. 

Steve goes to Austria, to where the first Hydra base he ever destroyed used to be. He was so young, then, and so scared. It was barely four years ago, for him. Four years ago and the first time he ever thought Bucky was dead. 

He hears footsteps behind him, barely there, and keeps his hands in plain sight. “I know you,” he hears, and he blinks back tears. 

“Yeah,” he says, “and I know you. I’ve known you my whole life.” He turns slowly, hesitantly, and Bucky is there, looking at him, head tilted inquisitively. 

“You’ve been targeting Hydra,” Bucky says. His hands are empty, his stance loose. He’s wearing combat boots, jeans, and a dark sweatshirt. Steve doesn’t see any weapons, but he knows Bucky’s got to have some. 

“I have,” he agrees. “So’ve you.”

Bucky just stares at him. Steve waits. Finally, Bucky says, “I’m not… not him.” He shakes his head sharply, looking at the ground. “I’m not.”

Steve nods, trying to think of something to say. “That’s fine. I’m not who I was, either, back then. Too much…” He shrugs. “But I would like to know who you are, now, if you don’t mind.” 

Bucky – not Bucky – Steve’s friend (please still be Steve’s friend) lifts his head, meets Steve’s gaze. “James,” he says. “At the museum – and you said my, his name was James Buchanan Barnes.” He licks his lips, bites the bottom one, and steps forward before stopping. “Your friend.” 

Steve nods frantically, barely keeping himself from going to him. “Yes, B— _James_ , yes, you’re my friend. You’re my best friend, my first friend, you’re _everything_.”

James stands there staring at him, worrying at his bottom lip again. 

A lifetime ago, Bucky did that when he was trying to think of something to say. Usually when he was in serious trouble, with his sisters, his mother, or Steve. 

“I know of a well-hidden base,” he says. “They kept me there. I don’t know how long ago.” 

Steve smiles. “I would love to destroy that base with you.” 

.

He’s not Bucky Barnes anymore. And Steve’s not the Steve he was a lifetime ago, when Bucky left New York. Steve knows Fury will never trust him, that they’ll test him and lock him away and watch his every single move, and then complain that he’s not getting better. 

No. Fuck that. Nobody’s ever getting their hands on James Barnes ever again. 

“Wanna do the honors?” James asks, gesturing to the sniveling scientist who once strapped the asset into a chair and stole part of his mind. 

Steve stares down at the scientist. “Is this what you were so afraid of?” he says, crouching beside him. “All of you? Scared that your weapon would turn on you, hunt you all down?” He smiles. 

The scientist pisses himself. 

.

“Where are the flying cars?” James asks as they settle in for the night. 

Steve laughs, shaking his head. “I don’t know,” he says. “Guess we’ll have to last a little longer to see ‘em.” 

James gives him a small grin, so bright – blinding. He murmurs, “Guess so.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> All that intel Fury had on the Winter Soldier? Here's where he got it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was writing more in this 'verse and realized this scene didn't fit in. Therefore, it gets it own chapter. 
> 
> Warnings for talk of dehumanization/torture/violence, and a narrator who is an unrepentant dickwad.

George Mandle _was_ a Level 3 SHIELD operative. He was also Hydra. He turns himself in to Coulson, hoping for leniency, and Coulson brings him to Fury, which is a bit terrifying, but not as terrifying as Pierce.

Fury just looks at him for a long time, and then he says, “Tell me what you know about the Winter Soldier.” 

George swallows heavily. “That was a very classified operation,” he starts, “but I – I kept the file updated for Secretary Pierce, I noted _everything_ about the asset, and if he, he glitched or misfired, I had a record and could most likely explain why.” 

“Asset?” Fury says. “Glitched or misfired?” He snorts. “Better hope Captain Rogers never hears you use those terms.” He taps his finger on the table. “Give me everything you have,” he orders, “every single scrap on the Winter Soldier and I’ll send you to prison for nine years instead of ten.” 

George shakes his head. “I didn’t do anything!” he says. “I just kept records – it was never supposed to be, be about _hurting_ people!” Project Insight, god, what a clusterfuck. 

Fury just _looks_ at him. After a few minutes of letting George sweat, he says, “Give me everything you have on the Winter Soldier or I will tell Captain Rogers that you knowingly recorded years’ worth of his best friend being tortured and made a note every time he whimpered but didn’t do a damn thing else.” 

George blinks at him. “Best friend?” he repeats. “Captain Rogers’ best friend?” 

Fury smiles at him. “You didn’t know, Agent Mandle? Before Hydra got a hold of him, the Winter Solder was Sergeant James Barnes, childhood friend and right hand man of Captain America.” 

Slumping back in the chair, George just shakes his head. “I didn’t… I just wrote things down. How – he’s a machine, the asset. Just a weapon. He was…” He sighs, rubbing at his eye. “He only really glitched once, before my time. He vanished, finished a mission and didn’t return for extraction.” He laughs a little, letting his hand fall. “They found him three weeks later, wandering around Brooklyn. I have notes about it, Wilkinson wrote goddamned _novels_ about why the asset did anything without being told to first, but Brooklyn, out of anywhere he could’ve run…” 

Fury doesn’t do anything except raise an eyebrow. George sighs again, nodding. “My records go back to 1993,” he says. “I was Hydra’s first; I wouldn’t have joined SHIELD, otherwise.” He looks past Fury, at the mirror, and he tells Coulson, “There is a bookcase in my younger daughter’s room. The second shelf from the bottom is full of hollow books. All of my files are in there.” 

They leave him alone in the room for hours. He knows they would have found him eventually, anyway, but he really hopes he’s earned some forgiveness for giving them _everything_ \-- it’s not just _his_ files, the information goes back for decades. And also… well, it’s been quite clear that someone is destroying Hydra, systematically and violently. He tells the mirror, “You know, for 70 years, the Winter Soldier was a weapon, fighting for other people’s missions – now, he’s got his _own_ mission, and that is goddamned terrifying.” He shudders because he’s lovingly detailed out the Winter Soldier’s missions so he knows exactly what the asset is capable of, what the asset has _done_. 

If the Winter Soldier is actually James Barnes… the earliest record in George’s collection is dated 1963, and it starts with _Success! Finally, the spirit is broken. Now begins the rebuilding process._ He’s always found it fascinating, how magnificent the asset was, such a powerful weapon – a machine given flesh, he’d always thought. The asset was never a man. 

Fury stalks back in and looks down at George, and he says, “Here’s what I’m gonna do for you, fuckwad. I’m _not_ gonna tell Cap that you watched Bucky Barnes die for twenty years. But you’re a goddamned traitor and we’ve got laws for what to do with traitors.” He smiles at George, calling, “Coulson, get this piece of shit out of my sight.” 

They handcuff him and George just walks out. Lori will be home from her trip soon, and Trina’s at her aunt’s for the week, and Cecily went to the grocery store – and George will never be able to go home again. He tries to blink back the tears, but by the time they’re shoving him into the back of the SUV, he’s crying. 

He just kept the notes. How did everything get this bad?


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: talk of violence/death/torture  
> Prompt: Fury/SHIELD probably couldn't just let it go and Steve and Bucky kind of end up on the run from them, only not desperately because they mostly keep trying to get Steve to 'do the right thing' since they saw exactly how well going against Captain America worked for Hydra and the thought of Steve turning around and considering them to be an active threat to Bucky kinda keeps them up at night.
> 
> Note: This is probably the last part -- unless I get a prompt for something specific, or a scene, or... *innocent eyes*

“Are you really just gonna let them run away together?” Stark asks. He sounds like he doesn’t believe it but couldn’t care less, and Nick knows that’s a lie. 

“And you suppose I stop them how, exactly?” he demands. It’s been a very stressful year and Stark always makes a good target, but this time he doesn’t rise to it. 

This time, Stark just shakes his head, turns, and walks away. 

.

There are many things James does not remember. He knows that even if he does one day remember everything of Bucky Barnes’ life and death, he will still not be Bucky Barnes. 

It took Bucky Barnes a long time to die. _That_ , he does remember. James has been seeking out Hydra’s secrets, trying to discover everything they had on their _asset_ , and delivering vengeance on the way. He knows that Steve Rogers is doing the same. 

When Steve Rogers leaves the bones of SHIELD and goes to Austria on his own, James follows. Once, Bucky Barnes had lived and died for this man. James does not know him, not yet – but he’d like to. 

He _can_ , now. He has choices. He has opinions. He has wants and needs and desires, and so he holds out a trembling hand and asks Steve Rogers to join him. 

And Steve Rogers clasps his hand tight and breathes out a resounding _yes_. 

.

What it boils down to is this: there aren’t enough resources in the world to hunt down Captain America and Winter Soldier, much less keep them. At the moment, they seem to be content with burning Hydra off the map, and Nick is pretty sure Stark’s tracking them. Maybe Rogers can turn the Soldier back into the boy he remembers; maybe he can’t. But if Nick sends anyone after them to take the Soldier out – 

They’ll have to take Rogers out with the same move. If they don’t, he’ll turn right back around and do to the fledgling SHIELD exactly what he’s doing to Hydra. 

So he lets them be, for now. He monitors Stark, even though Stark won’t give him the time of day, and he waits. 

.

On every channel, the talking heads thunder about someone needing to be held accountable; the press and the public both demand that Captain America return and explain, guide, lead. They squawk and they scramble, and James looks up from his scrolling newsfeeds and says, “Shouldn’t you go back to them?” 

Steve just shakes his head. “The world’s not mine to save anymore.” 

James does not know what to do with that so he focuses back on the screen. The boy in Bucky’s memory wouldn’t turn his back on the world – but the man beside him had told him that he wasn’t that boy anymore. 

.

There’s a voicemail saved on Steve’s phone. He listened to it once and didn’t delete it. It’s not even ten seconds long. 

_I’ll back your play, Cap,_ Tony Stark’s voice says, firm and sure. _So will Bruce._ Message ends. 

.

“We should change the name,” Tony tells Pepper. He knows that Coulson is rebuilding, bringing in anyone trustworthy, his team vetting everyone, trying to restore order. (And oh, how pissed he was, how angry _Pepper_ was that Coulson came back from the dead and didn’t say hi, fucking Fury and his secrets). 

“What name is that?” Pepper asks without looking up from her Pad. 

“SHIELD,” he says. It’d been a good idea Dad and Aunt Peggy had, but it – it had been infected from the beginning. Maybe if they’d caught it then… “Fury and Coulson, they’re replanting the seeds into rotten fruit. They should just…” He shrugs as Pepper looks up at him. 

“They’re taking the same bones,” she says quietly, “the same framework. They should erase it all and start over.” 

“Exactly!” He snaps his fingers and points at her. “And they should start with getting rid of the name.” 

Pepper laughs softly, shaking her head. “I’ll suggest it the next time I see Maria.” 

Tony nods. “You do that. Now, J,” he says, “what are the boys doing today?” 

Jarvis streams the footage of a smoking ruin to the wall; Tony grins, sharp and bright.

.

James doesn’t remember what Bucky liked, and Steve doesn’t want to influence him into doing anything; everywhere they eat, James orders something different. There are so many foods in the world that neither Steve nor Bucky ever had, so it’s an adventure.

“What do you want to do?” Steve asks at one such dinner, watching James try teriyaki noodles. 

“What we’ve been doing,” James says after he swallows. “Burning it all down.” He twirls some of the noodles around his fork, adds, “Anyone who ever cut me open, who ever scooped _me_ out and poured the ice in.” He meets Steve’s eyes for just a second before looking back at his plate. “And then, when all that’s left is ash, I want to _stop_. No more cold, no more blood, no _more_.” 

Steve bites his lip to keep in the small noise of shock. He just watches James eat half a plate of noodles before saying, “If you want to vanish, go live quietly somewhere, then that’s what we’ll do, James.”

Without looking at him, James asks, “You’d stop fighting?” 

Oh, but Steve wants to grab his hand, put his arms around him, hold him close and cry and cry and cry for the boys they can’t ever be again. He wants to set every Hydra goon on fire, gut every scientist, bring Pierce and Zola back just to kill them _slow_. 

But all he says is, “Yes.” _Yes, Bucky, I’ll run away with you. Yes, Bucky, we’ll go to ground and hide and never pick up another gun, I’ll bury the shield in the yard, we’ll get cats and dogs and paint the walls any color you want. Yes, Bucky, we’ll live quiet and we’ll live free, and there won’t be any cold, we’ll live in Arizona, I’ll take you the Grand Canyon, Bucky, we’ll just **be**_. All he says is , “Yes, James. Anything for you.” 

James’ fingers tighten around the fork, his flesh fingers, the left hand tucked under the table. In a fight, he uses them both equally; with everyday tasks, he uses only the right. Steve hasn’t asked about it. 

“When we’re through,” James murmurs. 

Steve nods, smiling. He promises, “When we’re through.” 

.

Nick asks her to analyze what Steve and Barnes might do. Of course, he already knows everything she will report. Her final recommendation, after 20 pages of data and observation, is to, “Let them be, sir. Unless we become a credible threat to Barnes, Steve won’t bother us. Unless we become a credible threat to Steve, Barnes will stay away.” 

Nick glares down at her report. “We could use Captain America for the rebuild. There are sharks circling because _somebody’s_ gotta down, and having Cap at our side –”

“Yes, sir,” she says calmly. “But we don’t have Cap.” 

He tears his glare away from the report to focus on her. “Really, Romanoff?” he demands. “I hadn’t noticed.” He dismisses her with a wave of his hand. She goes silently. 

Clint’s waiting in the hallway. “You ready to blow this joint?” he asks. 

Her loyalty had been to Fury for a number of years. To Coulson slightly longer. To Clint above all. Fury mishandled Steve, Coulson died (though not for long), and Clint… 

Natasha knows the message Stark left on Steve’s voicemail. And a very long time ago, in a half-erased life, she learned to kill from a man with ice-blue eyes and a silver hand, and he was gentle, when he could be. 

The Winter Soldier, like Barnes before him, is a sniper. She should have died with the man she was protecting, but – like Steve in the helicarrier, the Winter Soldier shot to wound. 

She joined SHIELD to make up what she owed the world. SHIELD was never what she thought. 

“Yeah,” she tells Clint. 

They can go to Stark, they can retire and sit on a beach somewhere, they can track down Steve and offer their support – 

“Tasha,” Clint says as he starts his piece of shit car, “I don’t think you’ve realized something.” 

She looks at him, raising an eyebrow. 

“You saved the world. That… shouldn’t that wipe all the red out?” 

She blinks once, staring at him, then blinks again and looks down at her hands. 

“Just think about it, okay?” he asks, pulling out of the parking spot. 

Natasha nods, remembering back to the earliest days, longer ago than even Clint knows. Her loyalty was to Fury; she has severed it. Her loyalty was to Coulson; he severed it. Her loyalty is to Clint; Clint’s loyalty is to her. 

He drives, singing along to the radio, and Natasha ponders many things before she decides to just be in the moment and turns up the radio to sing along, too. 

.

What it boils down to is this: so long as Barnes is alive, Hydra has a chance to reclaim him and turn him back into their asset. Hydra’s tendrils are long and deep, and it is very unlikely that Rogers and Barnes will be able to eradicate them all. 

But anyone who would accept the mission to terminate Barnes is probably not someone Nick can trust right now, because there is no way that Rogers could be allowed to survive, and only Hydra would be okay with killing Captain America. 

Nick throws Romanoff’s report against the wall, wishing it felt more satisfying. 

He also wishes he could just hand the whole mess off to Coulson and retire to the Bahamas or something, but his sense of responsibility is too strong for that. He helped make the mess; he should help clean it up.

(It’d be nice if Rogers felt the same, but what the fuck ever, Cap.) 

.

“Where is Captain America?” the talking head demands. Every news channel in the world is talking about SHIELD, about Hydra, about Project Insight. The world owes Captain America for another save and Captain America is nowhere to be found. 

Hydra only has one head left, and it has gone to ground, changed its name, and buried itself where no one should be able to find it for _years_. 

Unfortunately for it, James was once the Winter Soldier, and the last head of Hydra chose to hide where the Winter Soldier was born. 

.

Tony Stark doesn’t join back up with the new SHIELD. Bruce Banner stays ensconced in his labs (Tony said they were his for as long as he wanted), researching his own condition and anything else that catches his fancy. Clint Barton and Natasha Romanoff are somewhere on the road, seeing where the wind takes them. Thor is in London with his astrophysicist girlfriend, and he will protect Midgardr, should Midgardr need it, but at the moment, he is weary of war.

Steve Grant and James Smith check into a hotel, two young American tourists out to see the world. They’ve died for it but never really _lived_ , never explored outside of war. 

They curl up together in the bed, James closer to the window and Steve nearer the door. James dreams of back-alley fights and a kid who never backed down; Steve dreams of a firefight and the man always at his back, no matter the price. 

In the morning, they wander shoulder to shoulder, and they laugh and shove each other, and it’s almost like they never went to war at all.


End file.
